i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
