Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
