I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
