Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We need to get me chipped asap
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
