Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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