Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
