Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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