I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
