i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Randomize
