put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I die, sorry about rent.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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