you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Randomize
