i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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