So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
