my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
