You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
