maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
