i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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