I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
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