There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I need water and some morals
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
