soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
