How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
