I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
