Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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