we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Randomize
