That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
