speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
