I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
