Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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