My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
