drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
