airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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