You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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