The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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