I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
