my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Semen is not good for contacts.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
