who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
