Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
