she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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