It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
