She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
