it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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