You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
