he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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