do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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