You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You made out with two different species that night
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
