he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you didnt know i had herpes?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
