Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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