i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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