When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
