i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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