WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you traded sex for a burrito?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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