this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
