When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
soo... how was my night?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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